Yoga Story: Willful Surrender

Thank you to recent evolation grad Pat H for sharing this beautiful yoga story with us! Read more to get an intimate look into our yoga teacher training programs.

“I have traveled around the world several times with my job as a consultant. Having had a relatively late start attending university, I grew into a pattern of always having to achieve whether it be a job, visibility, sales awards or degrees. It was as if I was always in a game of catch-up, although there was little fun or enjoyment in it. The achievements, of course, did provide some positive reinforcement which served to strengthen this behavioral pattern.

All of this has come at a cost. Constantly stressed, always in a hurry, and all too often impatient to learn how to enjoy the moment. I am now past the prime of my career and looking forward to a happy retirement. Taking the yoga training became part of that plan. In retrospect, I think it was an intuition that guided me to yoga because I needed this to learn an important message.

The yoga training was not at all what I expected. It has been rigorous, insightful and unquestionably profound.

With more than 60 pages of notes taken, several books to read that I would never have picked up on my own (i.e. the Baghavad Gita), posture mechanics and several lectures, I can say that I had had an education that would rival many programs in the country!

What has been most unexpected was learning about attachments and the importance of letting go of the outcome in one of Mark’s lectures. At first it sounded like other similar messages I had heard many times before. Sure, it makes sense, but like the water that runs off of a duck’s back, it never quite sunk in.

The second time Mark weaved that message into a lecture, it was during the time of trying hard to memorize the cues, feeling overwhelmed and certainly lacking confidence that I could do this. Then a realization started to materialize. Why was I so anxious? What was it that I was attached to that prevented me from letting go of the outcome? What was the outcome? Why was I beating myself up for not learning the cues quickly enough? Wham! I saw the connection!

I had fallen into my usual pattern of behavior. I had been pushing myself to learn the cues as near to perfect as possible. That meant that I had to work harder than everybody else. If it meant losing sleep, being irritable and laser-focused on this goal, well, that’s what would have to be done. The rest of life had to wait. And if I blundered after all of that effort, the humiliation and failure (outcomes) would be unbearable, not to mention unacceptable.

Then willful surrender was beautifully explained by Mark. If I let go of the fear of humiliation (surrender), I could be confident about my path in achieving the goal of learning the cues because my willfulness in learning would lead to patience and persistence. I have proven to myself so many times that I have the patience and persistence to stick to my commitments. Surrendering to the timing of the outcome, and the outcome itself, released me from the anxiety of time pressure and perfectionism, so that could actually learn it without the self- doubt. What a release and relief. For so many years I have tried positive affirmations, but they never worked. This was a breakthrough for me.

I now think of yoga as a metaphor for life. Keep the breath flowing. Make a commitment. Observe yourself. Put in the effort and then let go of the outcome. Other possibilities will always exist.

My life just got a whole lot better!

Thank you to everyone at Evolation for such a great program.

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